Considerations for Choosing a Guardian

Where do you want your child to live?

If your child is currently happy and well-adjusted and involved in healthy friendships with children of other loving families, it is probably important to name a guardian who either lives in the same town as you, or who would be willing to move to your town or your home. Being uprooted from those support systems may create an additional trauma that could be unbearable. On the other hand, if the child is unhappy in his or her current environment, or suffers from being bullied, he or she may welcome the opportunity to start over in a new community.

Are religious beliefs and upbringing with faith important to you?

Many parents prefer that their nominated guardian share their general religious preferences (e.g., Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, etc.). For some, it is imperative. However, if the right fit for the role of guardian does not share the same religion as the parent, you could nominate a “spiritual guardian” either with precatory language in your will or in a side letter.

The role of a spiritual guardian may be to provide transportation to and/or attend worship services with the child each week, ensure that the child is prepared for and accomplishes his or her faith milestones (like a bar or bat mitzvah or baptism, or first communion and confirmation), and to help the child understand the loss of his or her parent in the teachings of their faith.

How do you think about parenting philosophy and values?

Separate from religion, the ideal guardian will also share your values and principles regarding raising children, discipline, work ethic, education, and finances. It is important to discuss these values with the named guardians. You may want to consider the idea of an “ethical will” to assist both the guardian and your children in understanding your family history, morals, and values.

If you have multiple minor children, should they all have the same guardian?

It’s important to consider each child’s individual needs and circumstances. For example, if one child has special needs or requires a specific type of care, it may make sense to name a different guardian for that child who is better equipped to provide that care. Alternatively, if one child has a strong bond with a particular family member or friend, it may be in their best interest to name that person as their guardian specifically.

However, naming different guardians for different children can also create logistical challenges. For example, if the guardians live in different locations, it may be difficult to ensure that all of the children have access to the same support systems and resources. It may also be difficult to coordinate decision-making and ensure that each child’s needs are being met in a fair and equitable way.

How important are your child’s hobbies or interests?

While it’s ideal to find a guardian who shares similar interests and values as your child (e.g., sports, hunting, music), it’s important to remember that no guardian will be able to replicate the exact same relationship and experiences that you have with your child. A key factor is instead the guardian’s willingness and ability to support your child in their interests and hobbies, like willingness to travel for elite sports clubs and tournaments.

How old is your child now?

• Is your proposed guardian physically able to care for a small child?
• Is your proposed guardian physically able to care for a child with the health or behavioral needs of your child?
• Is your child old enough now to consult with on the choice of guardian? At what age would you want your child to be consulted with about the choice of guardian?

How old is the proposed guardian?

• Are they the appropriate guardian “for now”? Will they still be appropriate when the child gets older? For example, your mother might be fine now to care for your small child; however, she may be nearing the age of 80 when your child will be a teenager. As an 80-year-old, could your mother handle the challenges of raising a 16-year-old? Would she be able to “step aside” and transition guardianship if she were unable to serve in the future?
• Is your oldest child currently able to care for your minor children and how will it affect their life to suddenly become the parent for their minor siblings?

What is the guardian’s own family situation like?

• Does the proposed guardian have children of their own, or are they planning on having children in the future? How many children will they have if you add yours to theirs?
• Is the proposed guardian likely to need to provide care for their own elderly parents in the future? Can they do that and parent your child at the same time?

What is the guardian’s own relationship situation like?

• If you want to name two people as co-guardians, would you want your child to go with one of them if they divorced or let that issue be settled in the divorce?
• Is the proposed guardian single now? Are you okay with the fact that they might marry someone you don’t know?

What are the guardian’s own financial and employment circumstances?

• Is the guardian going to live in your house (and be willing to do so) or will your child move to their house?
• Will the guardian need to make changes or remodel their home to accommodate your child?
• What is the guardian’s employment situation or expectation? Will the guardian be able to continue to work full-time if they are also your child’s guardian? Would you want them to continue to work full-time if they were raising your child?
• What about the guardian’s own financial circumstances? Will your child have the resources to take vacations (say to Disneyland) but the guardian could not afford to take their own child? Do you want to provide those types of distributions for the guardian and their child?

Naming different people as guardian and trustee for your child

• Naming different people as the guardian for your child and as the trustee of your child’s trust has its advantages. The guardian can focus on the child’s care and upbringing, while the trustee can focus on the financial aspects of the child’s inheritance. This separation of responsibilities can also prevent potential conflicts of interest because the trustee will need to provide funds to the guardian for the care of the child.
• On the other hand, naming different people as guardian and trustee can create communication and logistical challenges. The guardian and trustee will need to work together closely to ensure that the child’s needs are met and that financial resources are allocated appropriately. Additionally, if the guardian and trustee disagree on important decisions regarding the child’s care or assets, it can lead to conflict and potentially harm the child’s well-being.
• If you name different people, you should ensure that those people will work well together and manage logistical challenges collaboratively.

Naming a married couple as co-guardians

• Naming a married couple as co-guardians has several advantages. First, your child will have two guardians who can provide both emotional and financial support. Second, the couple can share responsibilities, allowing one parent to work while the other cares for the child. Third, the couple can provide a stable family environment for the child, which can be very important during a difficult and emotional time. Finally, if one spouse dies or becomes unable to care for the child, the other can continue to do so, providing an extra layer of security and stability for your child and avoiding uprooting them from their home or support system in the event of a tragedy.
• On the other hand, a couple serving as co-guardians could divorce in the future. If the couple divorces, the child may be caught in the middle of a custody battle. This can be emotionally difficult for the child and may also lead to legal and financial complications.
• Consider whether you know both people well enough to entrust them with this important responsibility. While the couple may be well-intentioned and capable of providing care, both people may not have a strong bond with your child. This can lead to a difficult adjustment period for the child, as they navigate a new living situation without a familiar support system. For example, if you are considering naming a sibling and their spouse as co-guardians, it is essential to have a difficult conversation with the sibling about how their spouse would handle the responsibility of caring for your child. It may be helpful to discuss their parenting philosophy, their personal values, and their ability to make important decisions under stress all separate and apart from your sibling who you might know on a deeper level.
• If the couple serving as co-guardians has children of their own, the child you are entrusting to them may feel like an outsider or may not receive the attention they need. Furthermore, the co-guardians’ own children may impact the relationship they have with your child. Sibling rivalry or jealousy may arise, causing the co-guardians to unintentionally favor their own children over the child you are entrusting to them. It is important to have open and honest communication with the co-guardians about how they plan to address these potential issues and ensure that your child receives the attention and care they need.

Naming an adult child as guardian for siblings

• Family members are usually preferred as guardians over non-family members. Therefore, if you have older, adult children, you may wish to consider appointing an adult child as the guardian for your minor children. Consider the age gap and relationship between the adult child and the minor children. Would minor children respect the moral authority of the adult child? Does the adult child have the maturity to handle the appointment?
• It is also important to consider the impact such a role would have on the adult child’s life. While appointing an adult child as the guardian may seem like a convenient option, there may be an opportunity cost that could be repaid under the estate plan. For example, the adult child may have to miss one or more years in the workforce, which could have long-term financial implications. Would the adult child want to make that sacrifice to become a parent for their siblings?